Most of you would have watched AMC’s “The Walking Dead” on TV. Season 2 is airing right now on AMCTV but the graphic novel is a whole different story, literally. As good as the TV storyline is, the graphic novel goes down a whole different path. The characters are mostly the same with the TV version adding a few new ones like Daryll and his brother Merle. The mood, tone and feel of the world is similar but the graphic novel feels a lot more realistic and each page draws you deeper and deeper into the world they’re living in. You feel like you’re right there with Rick & co at they face each new nightmare around the corner.

The greatest thing and the key to the walking dead’s success is that amidst the horror of the undead trying to feast on you, the greatest horror and atrocity are still committed by the living human beings against each other.  This is a real reflection of human nature and ultimately good story telling. Zombies are scary but humans can be scarier. You see a part of yourself in the characters and the drama.

The response of the characters to their everyday challenges feels very natural and realistic. You will almost always agree that you would do exactly the same thing or feel the same way if you were the character in that scenario. The graphic novel features very interesting events and settings for these human dramas to play out.  The zombies are also more realistic, if there is such a thing as a realistic zombie. In the book, the zombies behave, react and move as zombies should. One thing that pissed me off about the zombies on the TV show was that they were running. Zombies don’t run in the graphic novel. They just stumble around lifelessly and are hopelessly uncoordinated as you would think a being with minimal brain activity would be. I won’t go into too much details as I don’t want to spoil the experience for you.

In any case if you’ve read the novel but haven’t had a chance to watch the show, you’ll find the TV version a bit slow and stretched out but definitely worth watching. And if you’ve only watched the TV show and liked it, please read the novel. I guarantee you will not want to stop reading once you start.

Taking home that Snake Eyes figure sparked a childhood obsession that lasted for many years afterwards.

From that point on, I would never miss a chance to tag along with my mom for saturday morning shopping and it soon became a ritual that my parents would buy me G.I. Joes for my birthdays, for christmas, as a reward for doing well in school, for doing chores around the house and any other occasions which included giving gifts, I would get G.I. Joes.

My collection grew at a considerable rate. And as my addiction grew, collecting just the figures couldn’t fully satiate my hunger anymore. I had to have the G.I. Joe vehicles and playsets too. Pretty soon, my room was filled with G.I. Joe toys of all shapes and sizes. Tanks, Boats, Choppers, Jeeps, Planes, Bikes, Flight Pods, Jet packs, Cannons, all sorts of evil Cobra devices. You name it, I had it. And I was in command of this plastic army. Life was all good in the Hauva hood.

And now 20 years later since I first picked up that Snake Eyes, it’s deja vu all over again.

Earlier this year, I was out at the mall with my girl. I decided to check out the local Toy’s R Us store. Quick browse, I thought. Anything was better than shopping for clothes with a girl. So. Walked around the first aisle, the second aisle and in the third aisle, I was greeted with a spectacle so grand my knees almost buckled. Shelves stacked full with G.I. Joes. Apparently, Hasbro celebrating G.I. Joe’s 25th Anniversary, released updated versions of all my favorite Joes from back in the day.

So which was the first figure that caught my eye? Snake Eyes, of course. The updated version of Snake Eyes totally blew me over and I felt like that 5 year old kid from so many years ago. No way was I leaving the store without it. That figure had to absolutely come home with me. Damn you Hasbro.

The Snake Eyes you see on the right woke up the collecting beast in me that had lain dormant for so many years and now my obsession begins all over again. And it certainly doesn’t help that a G.I. Joe movie is being released this summer and a whole new wave of movie merchandises and action figures have already hit every toy shop and major retail chain stores nationwide. My wallet is becoming increasingly bulimic and is now a mere skeleton of its former self.

Now obviously, this G.I. Joe obsession dictates that I spend a lot of my time in toy stores and ebay hunting for figures, and with so many other different types of action figure lines available in the market today, I realized that my Joe addiction was only the start of it. This also made realize that I’ve become a big geeky toy collecting nerd. Just with any addiction, it starts off with something harmless but you don’t realize how far deep into addiction you are until it’s too late.

There are different levels to this addiction. One of the most severest form is the “completionist”. The completionist has to own every single figure released in a particular line regardless of whether or not he actually likes the figure. For example, a completionist would buy each and every figure from Hasbro’s line of 25th anniversary G.I. Joe which would be around 50 to 60 figures.

Another extreme stage of addiction is the “army builder”. As the name suggests, an army builder will keep buying the same exact figure over and over again so as to amass enough of the same figure to create an “army”. An extreme case that I have heard about is a guy who apparently has 221 of the same figure, of which he opened 66 of the figures and left a 155 unopened in their boxes for storage. Below you can see the product of this man’s obsession. A bit much? But who am I to question another man’s life choices.

And then you have the collectors that are only into high end collectibles. But really, who can blame them? When you see the level of quality and detail of these figures, you lose your breath. You also lose your breath when you see the price tags. Currently, one of the biggest and most popular producers and sellers is Hot Toys. Check out some of their products and tell me that you’re not impressed.

Yes. Every picture you see above are of action figures from Hot Toys. Pretty-fucking-amazing aren’t they? To see a gallery of all their products, head on over to their site by clicking here. Now that is what you call attention to detail. Unsurprisingly, each of these figures are well into the price range of 150+ US dollars. That is if you can get them on retail because they sell out in the blink of an eye. So if you’re not fortunate enough to get these on retail, you’ll find some of these figures on Ebay for say anywhere between $300 to $1000 US dollars.

My addiction to G.I. Joe figures pales in comparison to some of the collectors I’ve talked about considering that a G.I. Joe cost only $16 and I only buy the ones that I really like. But the more I immerse myself into the world of toy addiction, I can feel that i’m dangerously close to moving onto a whole new level of collecting. If not for the fact that my girl is keeping me on a tight leash, I would probably have already owned some of the figures above. Boy, talk about being pussywhipped. No but seriously, I would have been dead broke and living without electricity, dining on tinned beans, reusing tea bags and strictly on a ramen noodles diet for a couple of months.

But for now, all I can do is to hope that my Joes and whatever figures I already have will be sufficient enough to support my action figure addiction. To see some of my own collection, click here to visit my facebook album.

Action figure addiction is no joke. You’re in your mid-20′s and you’re still hanging around the toy section at the department store and fighting over toys with 7 year olds. It’s just embarrassing.  People look at you like you’re a pedophile or something. It’s just not pleasant but you just can’t help it. A toy hunger in a collector goes way too deep to be ignored.

Some of the hardcore collectors even have blogs which are updated regularly with toy reviews. Some of these guys even get paid to review toys. And the best part is that companies like Hasbro, Mattel, Playmates or NECA will send out free toys to these dudes to review.  Free Toys! Anyway these are some of my favorite sites to visit for toy reviews, news and upates:

Poe Ghostal

Infinite Hollywood

OAFE

Michael Crawford’s Reviews

Articulated Discussion

Battlegrip

This is where I was born and raised:

Mizoram, North East India

This is where I went to High School:

Kodaikanal, Tamil Nadu, South India.

This is where I went for Uni and am currently living at:

Blue Mountains, NSW Australia

I’m a mountain goat jumping from one mountain range to another and then to another.

I wouldn’t be surprised if you thought they were all part of the same mountain range. To the untrained eye, they all look pretty much the same.

But this isn’t to say that I haven’t had a taste of the bright lights of the city.

And the Blue Mountains, where I live now, is only 2 hours drive away from central Sydney so i’m not totally isolated from civilization and not fully “hillbillised”. But I avoid the city like a plague and only go down only when it’s absolutely necessary, like say when they’re releasing new Air Jordan sneakers.

True. The city offers a lot of convenience that the mountains don’t. Innumerable. Growing up, I hated the drudgery of the mountains. All i wanted to do was to get out of the hills asap and relocate to a big city and do all the things that people do in cities. Shopping in mega sized malls and watching movies on big ass Imax screens. Going out to eat different cuisines in nice restaurants. Hanging out with friends at the bar. Meeting new people. Partying it up. Going to shows and events. Getting lost in a sea of anonymity.

But for me, the mountains are where it’s at. One of the great but simple joys of living above the clouds is to wake up in the morning and to be greeted with a scenery like this:

Sunrise in Kodaikanal

Now that just makes you happy to be alive. Throw in a nice hot mug of coffee or hot chocolate and a cigarette in one hand.That’s bliss I tell ya.

And another thing that I love about the mountains is space. Personal space. Lots of it.

In the city, I found it suffocating at times to have to constantly fight for space. I hated walking on the streets, manouvering yourself around gawky tourists, grumpy office workers, schoolkids, skateboarders, sidewalk musicians, angry homeless bums, green peace workers, shoppers and millions of other assholes just like me fighting for space. Getting on the bus or the train is no escape either, you find the exact same people shoving each other just for an inch of breathing space.

And let’s not get started on the traffic. And if you’re strapped for cash like I always am, accommodation in the city usually comes in the form of a shared apartment. And finding good flatmates is about as hard as winning the lottery. And even if you do, your next door neighbor will usually turn out to be either one of two types of assholes. Asshole #1: One that’s always really rude and noisy or Asshole #2: One that complains about the slightest noise or sound.

In Sydney, I was stuck with asshole #1 for a couple of months. A Russian dude that likes to listen to classical music on full volume at 4am, constantly screams and swears in Russian on the phone, fights with his girlfriend, have noisy make up sex with his girlfriend after a fight, makes occasional loud puking sounds on the weekends.

Well, that used to be all fun and games for me when I was younger. No biggie. But as I got slightly older, the so called “conveniences” and “fun” the city had to offer started to pale in comparison to the freedom and peace I feel living as a hillbilly way up high in the mountains above the noise, smog and stress of the city.

I’m finally contented to be right where I am. And i’ve accepted that I am truly a hillbilly, and i’ll always feel more proper in the mountains than anywhere else.

Kodai Lake

A prime example of this is Russell Peters jokes. The man is an absolute genius and his style of humor is impeccable and his jokes make sense and are insightful.

One of the main reasons he got so big was because of his viral video, yeah that one from Comedy Central, where he does all the accents and makes fun of “take some bong”. We all know that one. That video floated around on the internet till it became a big hit sometime back in 2005.

Back in 2005 when I first watched the video, I laughed till I cried. I remember all the jokes:

“Aay we are Indian and we are gaaay!”
“I love women too much to get married!”
“…we have our own motherland. England!”
“Chinese people and Indian people cannot do business with each other”
etc etc etc

We all have our favorite lines from that video. And to this day I still find myself letting out a chuckle whenever i watch it. His facial expressions are priceless. And another thing is that you find yourself going,”That’s so true” so many times throughout the video. That, my friends, is the mark of a reall stand up comedian. He makes you think. His jokes are a reflection of society. They reflect you and me. So what Russell Peters does is he lets us laugh at ourselves. And when you learn to laugh at yourself, then your mind opens up, and with an open mind you can pretty much find peace in anything. Cheesy but true.

Alright alright, so back to the topic. So what’s my gripe all about? It’s about people that are still doing Russell Peters jokes and expect you to laugh and think they’re funny and shit.

Last week, I was smoking a cigarette and chatting shit with this Indian dude from school. And then he starts telling me Russell Peters jokes like they were his own. He starts going,” …blah blah God played a joke on us Indians, puts us in the hottest place on Earth and covers us with hair blah blah”. 

Dude thought he was really funny and original. And it sorta turned into an awkward situation when he saw that I wasn’t dying from laughter and praising his excellent sense of humor.

Here’s the thing. It was really funny back in 2005, still kinda funny in 2006, a little less funnier in 2007. NOT funny anymore in 2009.

So dude, that Russell Peters video you recently found on youtube and found so damn funny? We’ve all seen the video and heard the jokes ages ago so don’t embarrass yourself by thinking you found a gem that none of us know about. I’m not trying to say that i’m a real hip dude and know every new thing that comes along, it’s just that its reached a real high level of annoyance and makes it awkward for everyone when you have to force yourself to laugh for the sake of politeness.

Stop fucking doing Russell Peters jokes. It’s not funny anymore. Maybe in another 20 years or so when everyone’s forgotten about it, it’ll be funny again but for now, just please shut your damn pie hole.

I respect that people are becoming more aware of their impacts on the environment and it’s great that we are living more responsibly. Taking shorter showers, using energy efficient lightbulbs, recycling, adjusting the thermostat, using low-flow showerheads etc. the whole shebang…. that’s all good and fine but we need to take a look at the bigger picture.

In reality, to effectively stop the production of Carbon Dioxide which is causing global warming on a mass scale, to significantly decrease the production of CO2… it is out of our hands. Simply due to the fact that the major polluters and consumers of energy is not from everyday household uses but instead from factories, industrial plants and even industrial agriculture. And who controls these? Governments and Corporations.

I’m sure we’ve all watched Al Gore address the issue with “An Inconvenient Truth”. That documentary was a real eye opener for a lot of people. What’s resulted is an awakening in our conscience of the role that we have on earth and a more self-conscious look at our individual impacts on the environment. The documentary leaves you with a feel good emotion and gives you a feeling of empowerment. It makes you feel like you can help save the planet. Now everyone’s in a tizzy about going green. That is why many companies and businesses are becoming “green”, which we all know is only a PR strategy. The only real solution is to dismantle the industrial economy, which I doubt is going to happen anytime soon.

So what do governments and corporations have to gain from all this? Well firstly, they’ve created a whole new industry developing and selling “green” technologies and products for mass consumption. To illustrate this point, below is a conversation which took place in this comic strip by D.Jensen& S.Mc’Millan, between a “greenie” and a blind rabbit.

Greenie: Did you know that if you recycle a single aluminium can, you can save enough energy to power a television set for three hours?

Blind Rabbit:  Oh my God. That is so HELPFUL!! you mean big industies can make lots of money by building dams for aluminium smelting choking the life out of rivers and killing the fish, plus tearing up great swaths of Africa for mining bauxite.

WOW! Big Money for builders, miners and manufacturers!

FABULOUS! Then countless people can acquire Alzheimer’s Disease from ingesting the toxic metal!
Drinking soda from the cans will help millions enjoy diabetes, obesity and malnutrition!

And then they’ll add the cans to millions of other used cans and melt them down using coal burning plants that spew toxins into the air, and then use all that metal to make more cans, using still more energy. So you can drink more soda.

And the melting and re-forming will take somewhat less energy than making all totally new cans. So as a fabulous bonus…you can watch three episodes of “Survivor” or even SIX “Friends” reruns with the energy that’s saved. Therefore, using the same amount of energy as before, but gaining three hours of brainwashing! What a brilliant scheme!

Greenie: you’re a real party-pooper, you know that?

Another comic strip by the same writers shows a boy lamenting about the “Green” trend, which goes like this:

Nameless Boy: We see this so often. 

50 SIMPLE THINGS yOU CAN DO TO SAVE THE EARTH! 

CAN STREAMING VIDEO STOP GLOBAL WARMING?

LET TIKI THE PENGUIN GUIDE yOU! FIND OUT HOW KIDS CAN STOP GLOBAL WARMING!

yahoo CELEBRATES 35 yEARS OF EARTH DAy WITH “10 SIMPLE WAyS yOU CAN SAVE THE WORLD IN A DAy!”

GREEN yOUR EVERyDAy ONLINE SHOPPING AND STOP GLOBAL WARMING!

Wouldn’t it be wonderful if life were this simple, the problems we face so easily solvable? Every cell in my body wants for recycling to save the day, wants for shorter showers to save enough water for the rivers to run free.

But they won’t. you know that. Fish and turtles and beavers and frogs and bears knows that. Everybody knows that. Sometimes we forget.

People talk all the time about how the world is running out of water. Well that’s just not true. There’s as much water on the planet as there ever was. Where do you think this water went? They talk about how people are dying of thirst. Don’t forget non-human people (animals).

But these people-including nonhuman people-aren’t dying because the world is running out of water. They’re not even dying because they’re running out of water. 

They’re dying because the water is being stolen.

We’re always told that the “solution” to the “water crisis” is that we should take shorter showers. But what we’re not so often told is that more than 90% of the water used by humans is not actually used by humans, but by agriculture and industry. And of the water used by cities, as much water is used for golf courses as is used by human beings.

So the people aren’t dying because there isn’t water. They’re dying because the water is being stolen for mining  and factories, for bottled water and soda pop, for cash-crop farms and ranches. For golf courses.

So if you really want to make it so people have enough to drink, including nonhuman people, I think there are more effective things you can do than take shorter showers.

Feeling like a simple Simon lately? Do you find yourself constantly making wrong choices? Lacking in good judgment? Need a big strong dose of prudence and a smackof perspicacity? Then what you, my dear friend, need is a Bill Stones wisdom tooth.

This here is a once a lifetime deal that you absolutely cannot refuse. A vintage 1984 wisdom tooth in full grown condition, slightly coloured due to its mature age, which only adds to its aesthetic appeal. This particular tooth is especially ripened with wisdom and intellect. Guaranteed to make you feel smarter within hours. Impress your friends and colleagues with your wit and knowledge when you insert this limited edition Bill Stones wisdom tooth in your mouth.

As an added bonus, you’ll be the proud owner of a tooth that was previously owned by renowned wise-man and nobel prize winner, who has spent years nurturing and caring for this particular tooth with countless toothbrushes and toothpastes including renowned brands such as Oral-B Close-up, Pepsodent, Colgate, Crest,and even herbal brands all the way from India like Dabur.

This Bill Stones wisdom tooth is very very rare and is guaranteed to be a classic. Only four wisdom tooth went into production and now is your chance to own one of them at a very special price of $7599.00 . Never again will you see an offer like this.

Well, yeah so I went to have my wisdom tooth pulled out cause it was a source of immense throbbin’ pain and torture for about 3 days. I probably shoulda had it extracted sometime ago along with the first one or even the second one but i’m the type of dude that won’t see a doctor, much less a dentist unless i’ve reached a state where i’m in total fucking rolling on the floor exasperated someone please kill me type of pain.

So anyway, I went to this small dental clinic run by this Greek dentist who literally pickpocketted me by charging me $150 for a 2 minute consultation and an X-Ray. I had to pay $350 dollars for the actual extraction so all in all five hundred motherfuckin dollarinoes. That’s 18102 Indian Rupees ($1AUD=36.2047). Would you pay that much for a basic tooth extraction in India? I think not.

“But Mr. Bill Stones, doesn’t your insurance pay for some of it” you ask?

Well apparently not, since the insurance coverage that my college hooked up all the overseas students with only covers basic prescription medicines and an emergency ambulance.

Wooohooo. A freaking Emergency Ambulance! So let me do some maths on this.

yeah, How many times have I needed to be whisked away in an Emergency Ambulance: 0

How many times have I needed to see the dentist: 5 and probably many more to come.

How much do I spend for this useless insurance : $600 Dollars a year.

How much in dental services and treatments does this insurance cover me for: $0

How many dudes named Bill Stones are feeling slightly ripped off: 1

USELESS

So do me a favor and buy my wisdom tooth cause I’ve got another wisdom tooth, the fourth and last one, that’s sorta starting to hurt and is probably going to have to come out soon as well. By the way, another thing about dentists that really really irritates me is when they shoot your mouth full of anesthesia and half your face is numb, and your face is stuffed with cottonwool/pad after an extraction and they keep on talking and talking to you and asking you dumb questions.

And you try your best to talk but all you can manage to do is make grunting sounds and look like a drooling semi retard. Life is mediocre.

“Quality is our # 1 priority gentlemen!!!” These are words often heard spoken by Bill stones (C.E.O. of Billco industries) to his workers. This is why our scientists are working around the clock to churn out products that we know you’ll love. No one really knows what goes on behind those closed doors of the mysterious billco factory. What we do know, however is that Gerson Mendonca’s mom is a dirty slut!

MAKE YOUR OWN DIAMOND

You heard right!!!! Make your own diamond!!!! Simply apply 100,000 tonnes of pressure to this lump of coal, wait 3 million years and…VOILA!!!! Your very own diamond. 

Just send $6,835 to:
Bill Stones
youvbeen st.
rippdoff
Youstupidhomo

EAU’ DE AMBA

Do you want that dirty unwashed smell without the hassle of not showering for months on end??? Well, wait no more!!!! Now with Eau’ de’ Amba brand perfume you can smell like a disease ridden hobo in no-time!! First we ferment a mixture of mucus, toenails and tartar buildup for a period of 7 months followed by the addition of several other foul smelling objects shipped in from all around the world. This includes dog vomit all the way from Siberia, genuine dandruff from Polynesia and monkey turds from Kathmandu. So don’t delay!! Get Eau’ de’ Amba today!!!

Just send $9,067,463,642.74 to:
bill stones
stoney lake
the north pole

GERSON MENDONCE GREATEST HITS

HE’S DONE IT AGAIN!!! Its the latest solo effort from Tamil pop-sensation Gerson Mendonce. This is his first record since the tragic breakup of his boy-band “2good4U”. This CD packs a punch with songs like “Building a bridge (to your heart)” , “Esther! oh Esther, you’re my favorite molestor”, and the chart topping “Feelings”. This is perfect mood music for getting intimate with your significant other, or for those of us without a significant other, it’s perfect for a date with everyone’s best friend : “PALMela HANDerson”!!! Originally titled “I’m tha muthafukin pimp, that like fukin all dem hoes” it was soon changed to the more suitable “The tears that cannot be cried”. We love this CD and we’re sure you will too.

Just send $362 to:
Bill stones
Stoner ave.
Stonerville
Transylvania

* offer void in munjigul.

PREVIOUSLY ENJOYED HYPODERMIC SYRINGE

You heard right!!! This magnificent product is absolutely free whenever you buy over $15,000 worth of merchandise. Its the perfect gift for that ambitious young doctor or nurse toddeling around the house. Or let them have hours of fun playing make-believe with games such as “Drug-dealer” and “French heroin addict whore”. We may have found it in a dirty back alley…but…we give the Billco GUARANTEE* that you will NOT** contract diseases from this product!! But act now because supplies are limited.

*guarantee is not a guarantee at all
**definitely

Existence is disproportionate in a proportional way. It’s interesting to take a step back and look at things from an outside point of view and see different aspects of life compacted into this single planet. How many differences can there be and how much similarities are there? It’s basically a giant tree with countless branches but nevertheless stemming from the same root. What is that root in life? Is it a biological or an intellectual entity or even spiritual? What is our real identity? From a scientific point of view, we are masses of atoms attached together.  What is our collective identity and what is our singular characteristics that set us apart, that sets things apart, people, events, everything. How do we piece it together? What is that singular common link that we share that results in the inclusion of all existing objects, events, mental activity in a single entity known as LIFE? The differences posses the answer to our similarities.

Uhhm yeah, just some random thought I had on a Monday night. Just finished another shift. On my way home from work sitting on the 10:40 bus. The bus is mainly filled with Asians and a few whites.

There’s an old lady sitting in front of me, she’s on the second page of a novel called Romantique Art. White people love to read shit like that.

And there’s two Asian guys sitting across me in the aisle. One of them is a skinny looking dude, probably Chinese, since he’s on his mobile talking in Chinese. And the other Asian guy in front of him looks bored and frustrated. He’s wearing red and black Air Jordan shoes, I think they were the AJ 16′s. The shoes look pretty cool but it doesn’t help him much. He still looks like a wanker.

There’s an Asian chick sitting up front. She’s listening to music on her cheap clunky Philips headphone. Probably listening to some bullshit like Katy Perry or whatever garbage music is popular these days.

Anyway, as the bus rolls on towards the next stop in Woden, I look outside the window and the dimly orange glow of the street lights expose the quiet lonely streets of this urban jungle in the southern hemisphere. Canberra! What a boring fucked up place. Everybody here has a sad expression on their face. Not unlike India with the only difference being that people here are sad in a sort of organized fashion. They’re sad in a white organized sort of way. That’s the best way I can put it but I’m sure you understand.

Yeah well, the bus stop is here. How many buses have I been on since I came here. I’m on the bus almost every day. I wonder how many buses are in service. I wonder if I’ve ever been on the same bus twice or have I been on a different bus each time. Ahhh who the fuck cares.

Well I’m on the morning shift at 8:00 am. Gotta drag my sorry ass back to work being a lowly intern. That’s my life for the next 5 months or so. That’s fucking SAD.

And damn it, my silver crown keeps falling off. My silver tooth keeps falling off everywhere, when I’m eating, talking on the phone. Fucking hell. If I ever see that bitch that did my teeth some 4 years ago, I would kick her ass right back to dental school. Well, I hope I don’t swallow this bling when I sleep. Life is mediocre.